


Did You Know?

by PekoIsBaby



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, But it is meant to be Ishimondo, Honestly this could apply to nearly anything, Hurt No Comfort, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Poetry, Sorry for my bad metaphors, Vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PekoIsBaby/pseuds/PekoIsBaby
Summary: Did you know?Could you have known?Why didn't you realize soon enough?
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	Did You Know?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is a *little different* compared to other things I've written
> 
> Basically, I was listening to Ultra Hope Girls (it's a Danganronpa fan podcast, I'd really recommend it - they have some takes that I super super disagree with, but it's still a fun ride) and I listened to an interview that they did with Sean Chiplock, who voices Taka in the game
> 
> I then proceeded to cry about Ishimondo, grab my computer, and write this
> 
> I really meant to write fluff but then I remembered that I've never been happy a day in my life :D
> 
> This is from Taka's perspective, and it takes place post-trial 2. I am very sorry. 
> 
> I'm not a natural-born poet, but I had a fun time writing it, and I really hope you enjoy!! 
> 
> That being said,, vague vague spoilers for Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, nothing beyond trial 2. Again, they're vague, but you can figure enough out that I'd probably skip it. 
> 
> Trigger warnings: Mentions of death, general sadness/grief, loss. 
> 
> Have fun!

Did you know how much I loved you?

Certainly, you knew I loved you. Everywhere I went, I placed love, little packages that could only hope to match up to how I felt for you. I wrote my love into the walls of our prison, and they turned to art. I screamed my love into the dark, stale air, and it became music.

But did you know how much? Could you? Could anyone, even I, really understand how much I loved you? I couldn’t have said it, for any words would be too small, too unsatisfying, like a candy that comes apart waxy and flavorless on the tongue. I couldn’t have told you through my touch, because holding you was holding starlight: Impossible in its beauty, warm in it’s inevitability, sweet in its bitterness. My eyes couldn’t have said it—after all, I was no great master of expression, and I doubt either of us would’ve understood my love through the tilt of my eyebrows or the curve of my lips. But, still, in all its mystery, I loved you.

You were brighter, and bolder, and braver than I ever had the luxury of being. You wore yourself like a favorite sweater, the folds resting comfortably in the same place each time, while I fidgeted with my identity, always too tight around the shoulders or too short on my frame or too itchy against my neck. You were you, as deeply and unabashedly as anyone was. Did you know how much I loved that?

I loved your laughter first, I think. Before I knew the wonderful intricacies that spelled your name in the stars, I knew that your laughter was warm and easily drawn out, loud and shameless and true. I knew that you didn’t laugh when you didn’t find anything to laugh at. I knew your laugh, and I fell in love for the first time.

Next I fell in love with your heart. I found myself within it almost by accident, and found it impossibly vast and warm and safe. In your heart, I knew, there was nothing that could touch me. You took all the stardust and fire and life that filled you to the brim and shared it with me, and I felt unconquerable.

I loved you, from your eyes to your clothes to your lips to your impossible hair, from the biggest things about you to the smallest, from the way your eyes caught fire in rage to the way your hand reached to the back of your neck when you were afraid. I loved you in your entirety. Did you know that?

You couldn’t have known that. If you had, you wouldn’t have been afraid to show me every piece. There would be no corner you would’ve felt the need to hide, no secret that would’ve kept you awake at night, no detail that you would’ve ever considered as worthy of making you unlovable. You would’ve shown me your tears, safe in the knowledge that I would love each of them all on their own.

You couldn’t have known how much I loved you, because, if you had, you would have known how truly lovable you are. You wouldn’t have worried about how the world saw you, because my love was so whole and complete and irrevocable that it would’ve eclipsed all the rest. If you knew how much I loved you, you wouldn’t have been afraid of the past, because the future’s light would’ve chased away the darkness. I would’ve held your hand and you would’ve seen it.

So, you couldn’t have known.

And yet, I still wonder if you did. How could you not have, with how fully it filled my being? Didn't you hear it in the beat of my heartbeat? Didn't you see it in every adjustment of my posture? Didn't you smell it on my skin? To me it seemed so obvious, and I wonder if there’s a world in which you could not have known.

If you did not know how much I love you, then I will be sorry for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t tell you, that I couldn’t find the right words or the right touch or the right expression to let you understand how much I loved you. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you with my love. I will always, until my heart stops and I succumb to nothingness, be sorry that I failed you.

And if you did know… if, somehow, in your startlingly brilliant mind, you knew the unknowable… if you truly knew how much I loved you…

Why couldn’t you stay long enough to hear it from my mouth?

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I know this is WAY different from the stuff I've been posting, and this kind of thing,, probably won't be a regular thing?? I might write more poetry-ish monologue-y things in the future (whether or not I can call this a poem is lowkey debatable haha), but who knows? 
> 
> Anyway Ishimondo makes me absolutely sob and I hate Danganronpa thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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